Me too!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
