I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize