I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
