Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
