I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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