I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
