i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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