And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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