my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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