If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
