dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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