I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
