I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's blow job season.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
