your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
