I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize