Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
