Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
