dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
