Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
