I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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