I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
