I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
