She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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