yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
