oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
there is glitter all over my balls
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