in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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