in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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