That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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