i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
