Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
