he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
