is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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