Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize