I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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