well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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