I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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