I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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