How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
