Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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