Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
