So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
