Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
