WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
