um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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