Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want a musical about memes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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