Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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