i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
