That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
