you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
