Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
smell my finger.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
