you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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