We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
