I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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