batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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