Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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