I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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