Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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