I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize