i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
