honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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