Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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