what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Randomize
