bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
