i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
