He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
